Oddly, misyar marriage sounds good to me

On misyar marriage: This is a top-of-the-head post where thorough background research has not been conducted, so sorry in advance if what I say isn't legally accurate. Feel free to correct me through comments, if need be.

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Until women and men are seen as equal before the law, provisions in the Muslim Family Law code are bound to favour men over women; take, for instance, the marriage contract.

It is no surprise that men's and women's rights under the marriage contract —be they the regular nikah-style contract, the misyar-style contract, or whatever— are pro-men rather than pro-women. But still, misyar marriage doesn't sound like a bad idea to me. I am married now, and financial and property matters are such a hassle compared to before I was married because everything is done jointly with my husband. I have often wished there was a "lite" option to marriage (with zero calories and half the fat!), into which I could enter, and misyar marriage would have been ideal for someone like me. The fact is, marriage is a property contract. I never wanted a property contract with the object of my affection — all I wanted was to have an intimate relationship with him and for society to be accepting of our intimacy. I suspect the same goes for him.

Under the misyar-style package, a couple could hypothetically live together and share a bed with society's blessings — developing a deep bond with one another in the process — but since neither party is beholden to the other for financial upkeep or even to maintain a common residence, the individuals can more easily retain a sense of independence.

Of course, misyar-style contracts would only function properly in a society where women's rights were as solidly upheld under the Civil Law Code as men's rights (guaranteeing a 50-50 split in terms of the financial and emotional costs, as well as physical effort, of raising children; a 50-50 split in common property upon dissolution of partnership by divorce or death — you know, common sense things). I wouldn't enter into a misyar contract if I were in Malaysia, because women's rights aren't strong in that country. But if Malaysia was more like America, I certainly would.

I can't say I've jumped "wholeheartedly" into marriage, which I view as a horrid, one-size-fits-all property contract, but I did jump, nonetheless -- what else could I have done? Live unmarried with him for the rest of my life, in secret?